When does it happen, exactly? Maybe somewhere between back-to-back meetings and the unread emails piling into the hundreds. One day, you realise: you weren’t happy. You weren’t even unhappy. You just… felt nothing. Just tired. Even when you achieved something you had worked hard for, it barely registered. Sound familiar?
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If you’re a high achiever, a leader, or someone whose default setting is “too much on your plate,” you’ve probably felt it too, that quiet, unsettling absence of joy. You’re ticking boxes, meeting deadlines, maybe even succeeding on paper. But something’s off.
The truth is, and more people should say it out loud: you can be incredibly busy, even wildly successful, and still feel empty.
The Productivity Trap: When Winning Still Feels Like Losing
We’ve been taught to believe that if we just work harder, push more, achieve the next goal, then we’ll feel fulfilled. But that’s not how joy works.
Shawn Achor, a Harvard-trained psychologist, flipped that whole narrative on its head. In his research, he found that happiness doesn’t follow success, it precedes it. Happy people, it turns out, are 31% more productive, 40% more likely to get promoted, and generally better at handling stress and relationships.
But we keep moving the goalpost. Every win gets replaced with a new “next step.” And eventually, even big achievements feel like just another task on the list.
Why Joy Becomes Scarce When You’re Always “On”
1. The Brain Can’t Thrive on Overdrive
If you’re constantly chasing deadlines, your brain starts numbing itself to cope. That’s not just poetic language, it’s neuroscience. The American Psychological Association explains how chronic stress shuts down parts of the brain responsible for pleasure and reward. So, the things that once made you feel alive? Music, time with loved ones, a good cup of coffee, they barely register. Your nervous system is in survival mode, not joy mode.
2. You Start to Believe That Joy Is a Distraction
High performers often treat joy like dessert, something you earn after a hard day, but not something you build into your routine. And if you’re leading a team or running a business, you might even feel guilty about enjoying yourself while others are grinding.
But joy isn’t frivolous. It’s fuel. And without it, you burn out. Quietly. Slowly. Until one day, everything feels like a chore.
3. The More Responsibility You Carry, the Less Space You Make
Leadership often means carrying other people’s problems, not just your own. You’re holding up the team, the strategy, the vision. But in the process, you lose track of what it’s like to simply be.
Every decision drains mental energy. In one study, researchers found that even seemingly small decisions, what to eat, what to wear reduce our capacity for emotional regulation and self-control. Multiply that by the hundreds of decisions leaders make each day and it’s no wonder we feel flat.
So, What Is Joy, Really?
Let’s be clear: joy isn’t just pleasure or distraction. It’s not scrolling Instagram or sipping wine at 10 p.m. while catching up on work emails.
Joy is that deep, grounded sense of this matters. Of being fully present, even for a moment. Of noticing the world instead of numbly moving through it.
Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson calls joy one of the “broaden and build” emotions, the kind that expands our capacity to think clearly, connect deeply, and grow resiliently. It’s not fluffy. It’s functional.
How to Get Joy Back (Without Burning Everything Down)
You don’t need a sabbatical. You don’t need to “quite quit.” But you do need to choose differently. Here’s how to start.
1. Rethink Your Definition of Productivity
Productivity isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing what matters most and still having energy left over for your life. Greg McKeown nails it in Essentialism: “If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will”. Try this: each week, cut one task from your calendar that’s urgent but meaningless. Use that time for something that refills your soul, not your inbox.
2. Build “Micro-Joys” Into Your Day
We think joy requires big, dramatic changes. But it’s often found in small, consistent practices. A 30-second pause. A moment of awe. A laugh that surprises you.
The UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center found that short experiences of joy even fleeting ones have long-lasting emotional benefits, increasing generosity, focus, and wellbeing.
Try this:
- Play your favourite song when you wake up.
- Call someone who makes you laugh.
- Go outside and look at the sky,not your phone.
3. Lead From a Place of Wholeness
Your team doesn’t need a machine. They need a human who feels, who reflects, who sometimes says, “I’m struggling too.” Brené Brown calls this wholehearted leadership, and it’s what builds trust, not just performance.
Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis found that leaders who demonstrate emotional presence and authenticity improve team morale, innovation, and collaboration, not just metrics.
Try this:
- Share a small personal win at your next meeting.
- Ask your team, “What’s bringing you joy lately?”
- Model what rest looks like, don’t just preach it.
4. Stop Apologising for Needing Rest
You don’t have to earn the right to feel alive. Let me say that again: you don’t need to earn your joy.
And you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking a walk, turning off notifications after 6pm, or skipping a meeting that shouldn’t have been a meeting in the first place.
Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that people who treat themselves kindly under stress are more motivated, less anxious, and bounce back faster from setbacks. The world doesn’t need another burned-out hero. It needs healthy, grounded humans.
Joy Isn’t the Opposite of Ambition. It’s the Point
We act like joy is in tension with success. That we must choose between purpose and peace. Between legacy and lightness. But the truth is, joy is what makes success worth it. So, ask yourself: if your life stayed exactly like this for the next 5 years, same pace, same pressure, same absence of joy. would you be proud? If the answer’s no, that’s not failure. That’s a signal. You don’t have to change everything. But you do have to care enough about your own life to make space for what matters. Because joy isn’t a reward for surviving the hustle. It’s a rebellion against it.
