{"id":194944,"date":"2026-08-24T12:03:18","date_gmt":"2026-08-24T10:03:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/reginsights.regenesys.net\/?p=194944"},"modified":"2026-08-24T12:09:42","modified_gmt":"2026-08-24T10:09:42","slug":"why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships","title":{"rendered":"Why Don\u2019t They Just Leave?\u201d Understanding Why Survivors Stay and Return to Abusive Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cWhy don\u2019t they just leave?\u201d is one of the most common questions asked when discussing people experiencing intimate partner violence. Yet the question overlooks the psychological, emotional, financial and social realities of abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Perhaps the more important question is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What makes leaving so difficult, and sometimes so dangerous?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-left counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">TABLE OF CONTENTS<\/p>\n<label for=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a8c432408eb7\" class=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-label\"><span class=\"ez-toc-cssicon\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/label><input type=\"checkbox\"  id=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a8c432408eb7\"  aria-label=\"Toggle\" \/><nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships\/#Leaving_Is_Not_a_Single_Event\" >Leaving Is Not a Single Event<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships\/#Why_Do_Some_Survivors_Return\" >Why Do Some Survivors Return?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships\/#Leaving_Is_Not_the_Same_as_Healing\" >Leaving Is Not the Same as Healing<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships\/#Final_Thoughts\" >Final Thoughts<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/why-survivors-stay-in-abusive-relationships\/#References\" >References<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Leaving_Is_Not_a_Single_Event\"><\/span>Leaving Is Not a Single Event<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely one decisive moment. For many survivors, it is a complex and non-linear process involving recognising the abuse, considering available options, planning, attempting to leave and sometimes returning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are practical barriers, for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>A survivor may have no independent income, nowhere safe to live or children whose wellbeing they fear compromising.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Cultural or religious expectations, stigma, distrust of institutions and limited access to support can make leaving even more difficult.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>There are also psychological barriers, for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Prolonged abuse can leave someone experiencing diminished self-worth, confusion, shame, guilt, fear and self-doubt.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They may have internalised the perpetrator&#8217;s messages or come to believe that they cannot survive independently.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>A person may therefore physically be able to leave while psychologically feeling completely trapped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why_Do_Some_Survivors_Return\"><\/span>Why Do Some Survivors Return?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Returning to an abusive relationship is another behaviour that is frequently misunderstood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A survivor may return because of fear, financial dependence, concern for children, ongoing threats, emotional attachment or hope that the relationship will improve. Returning may therefore reflect a complex calculation about survival rather than acceptance of the abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Trauma bonding can further complicate this process. When fear and mistreatment alternate with affection, apologies and periods of warmth, powerful emotional attachments can develop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Understanding these dynamics changes how we respond. A survivor who returns does not need judgement. They need continued access to support and opportunities for safety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Leaving_Is_Not_the_Same_as_Healing\"><\/span>Leaving Is Not the Same as Healing<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Physical separation is an important step, but it does not automatically undo the psychological consequences of abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Control may continue after separation through financial harassment, custody disputes, stalking, digital surveillance or intimidation. Survivors may also continue experiencing fear, self-doubt and difficulty trusting their own judgement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"850\" height=\"500\" src=\"https:\/\/reginsights.regenesys.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/professional-counselling-body-image-850x500-1.webp\" alt=\"Counsellor supporting a woman during a private counselling session\" class=\"wp-image-194963\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/professional-counselling-body-image-850x500-1.webp 850w, https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/professional-counselling-body-image-850x500-1-300x176.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/professional-counselling-body-image-850x500-1-80x47.webp 80w, https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/professional-counselling-body-image-850x500-1-768x452.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/professional-counselling-body-image-850x500-1-150x88.webp 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 850px) 100vw, 850px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Healing may involve processing what happened, rebuilding self-trust, reconnecting with one&#8217;s identity and learning that safety no longer requires constantly anticipating another person&#8217;s reactions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Final_Thoughts\"><\/span>Final Thoughts<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Leaving may be the beginning of a longer journey towards surviving, healing and ultimately thriving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Perhaps, then, we need to change the questions we ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of <strong>\u201cWhy did you stay?\u201d<\/strong>, we can ask <strong>\u201cWhat made it difficult to leave?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of <strong>\u201cWhy did you go back?\u201d<\/strong>, we can ask <strong>\u201cWhat support did you need?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And instead of assuming that leaving should be simple, we can ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>\u201cHow can we help make safety and healing possible?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you are passionate about supporting individuals, families and communities facing social and psychosocial challenges, the <strong>Social Counselling Worker qualification<\/strong> provides an opportunity to develop practical skills for providing supportive counselling, psychoeducation and appropriate referral within the scope of the Social Counselling Worker role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"References\"><\/span>References<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Abrahams, N., Martin, L., &amp; Vetten, L. (2004). An overview of gender-based violence in South Africa and South African responses. In S. Suffla &amp; A. van Niekerk (Eds.), <em>Crime, violence and injury prevention in South Africa: Developments and challenges<\/em> (pp. 40\u201364). Medical Research Council\u2013University of South Africa Crime, Violence and Injury Lead Programme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Baldasare, A. (2012, June). <em>Gender-based violence: Focus on Africa<\/em>. Strategic Applications International and Servant Forge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Byrt, A., Cook, K., &amp; Burgin, R. (2025). Addressing economic abuse in intimate-partner violence interventions: A Bacchian analysis of responsibility. <em>Journal of Family Violence, 40<\/em>, 419\u2013433. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s10896-023-00639-y<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Choudhury, A. A., Martland, N., &amp; Luzon, O. (2025). Women&#8217;s experiences of coercive control in intimate partner relationships: A qualitative systematic review. <em>Journal of Family Violence<\/em>. Advance online publication. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s10896-025-00970-6<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Enaifoghe, A., &amp; Adekola, A. P. (2026). The health-related consequences of gender-based violence against women in South Africa. <em>International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 23<\/em>, Article 298. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3390\/ijerph23030298<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ghoshal, R., Douard, A.-C., Sikder, S., Roy, N., &amp; Saulnier, D. (2023). Risk and protective factors for IPV in low- and middle-income countries: A systematic review. <em>Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment &amp; Trauma, 32<\/em>(4), 505\u2013522. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/10926771.2022.2154185<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hillis, S., Mercy, J., Amobi, A., &amp; Kress, H. (2016). Global prevalence of past-year violence against children: A systematic review and minimum estimates. <em>Pediatrics, 137<\/em>(3), e20154079.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hulley, J., Bailey, L., Kirkman, G., Gibbs, G. R., Gomersall, T., Latif, A., &amp; Jones, A. (2023). Intimate partner violence and barriers to help-seeking among Black, Asian, minority ethnic and immigrant women: A qualitative metasynthesis of global research. <em>Trauma, Violence, &amp; Abuse, 24<\/em>(2), 1001\u20131015. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/15248380211050590<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kumar, L. M., Stephen, J., George, R. J., &amp; Babu, L. (2022). He hit me; but it&#8217;s okay! Female submissiveness in marital abuse: A review in Indian context. <em>Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care, 11<\/em>(2), 447\u2013452. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.4103\/jfmpc.jfmpc_1870_21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mphatheni, M. R. (2024). The impact of gender-based violence on the South African economy: A literature review. <em>E-Journal of Humanities, Arts and Social Sciences, 5<\/em>(16), 2780\u20132788. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.38159\/ehass.20245168<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mukhtar, S. (2023). Domestic\/intimate partner violence, abuse, and trauma during COVID-19 lockdown: Gaslighting, non-consensual condom removal, grooming, coercive control, power dynamic, and sexual entitlement in emotional and psychological abuse. <em>Journal of Psychosexual Health, 5<\/em>(4), 198\u2013207. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/26318318231225050<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sarac, E., &amp; Odabas, D. (2025). Gender-based economic violence and the exploitation of women: A deep dive. <em>World Journal of Psychiatry, 15<\/em>(3), Article 103725. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.5498\/wjp.v15.i3.103725<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sosa Barrios, M. F., Navarro-Soria, I., Saor\u00edn Mar\u00edn, B., Rosales-G\u00f3mez, M., &amp; Plasencia Pimentel, A. (2026). Attachment styles, emotional dependence, and intimate partner violence: A systematic review. <em>Social Sciences, 15<\/em>, Article 297. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3390\/socsci15050297<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cWhy don\u2019t they just leave?\u201d is one of the most common questions asked when discussing people experiencing intimate partner violence. Yet the question overlooks the psychological, emotional, financial and social realities of abuse. Perhaps the more important question is: What makes leaving so difficult, and sometimes so dangerous? Leaving Is Not a Single Event Leaving<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":139,"featured_media":194959,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_sitemap_exclude":false,"_sitemap_priority":"","_sitemap_frequency":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"country":[4879],"class_list":{"0":"post-194944","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-a-z-topics","8":"country-south-africa"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Why Survivors Stay in Abusive Relationships | Regenesys<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Understand why survivors may stay in or return to abusive relationships, including psychological, financial, emotional and social barriers.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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