{"id":143846,"date":"2022-09-21T14:59:39","date_gmt":"2022-09-21T09:29:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/?p=143846"},"modified":"2026-02-24T15:21:35","modified_gmt":"2026-02-24T13:21:35","slug":"building-relationships-with-the-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.regenesys.net\/reginsights\/building-relationships-with-the-other","title":{"rendered":"Building Relationships With the Other"},"content":{"rendered":"
As a leader in an organisation, you regularly meet and engage with a variety of stakeholders. They could be suppliers, consultants, customers, lobby groups, trade union representatives, government officials, social media pressure groups or industry bodies.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Some of these relationships are transactional \u2013 you exchange what is needed \u2013 time, money, resources \u2013 and proceed onwards. But some relationships are especially important. You may have to deal with a highly influential person whom you have never met before, but with whom you have to build a relationship of trust within a short time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The context of your meeting may be adversarial: your organisation may be sitting with an embarrassing product failure, or a pollution spill, or a supplier far up your supply chain may unknowingly be using child labour.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n In a situation like this, how you deal with the opening stages of the relationship can be the difference between an awkward, but workable compromise or outright damning failure.<\/span><\/p>\n To do so is the art of engaging with The Other. The Other is a person different from you. The other is someone who comes from a very different background and set of life experiences. There is little common ground between you and the other. And there is likely to be significant resentment and aggression from at least one of the sides in this relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n How do you build a relationship of trust in an adversarial, low-trust situation where you have nothing to work with?<\/span><\/p>\n The usual, and utterly ineffective way is to start by trying to convince the other person that they are wrong or that they misunderstand the situation. This is precisely the wrong action to take.<\/span><\/p>\n A significant part of leadership lies in fostering relationships between organisations. The actual relationships are created, maintained and destroyed by the people within those organisations. Sometimes we regard our interpretation of the hard facts as refutable, and we are unwilling to accommodate differing views.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When the person on the other side of the table \u2013 The Other – exhibits anger and impatience, it can often arise from fear, embarrassment, or the loss of turf, power and prestige. They withdraw from the relationship-making process when they feel that they are ignored, judged, or being lectured. Whereas they may be seeking greater empathy or responsiveness.<\/span><\/p>\n The diagram above indicates the sequence of ringing the parties closer together. There is a structured sequence of discrete activities required to move someone from being distant to being supportive. It involves the steps of active listening, demonstrating empathy, building rapport, and then exerting influence to secure behavioural change.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Below is a summary of each of the five steps involved, and the behavioural responses required.<\/span><\/p>\n The stages of Active Listening, Empathy and Rapport building are missed out. The unfolding engagement becomes a contest in winning and not first understanding. The situation ends in a stalemate where each party blames the other for being difficult and intransigent. The relationship has been irreparably damaged.<\/span><\/p>\n The basics of active listening are easy to list but less easy to observe. Here are some pointers on building a climate of conciliation:<\/span><\/p>\n As a business leader, you are constantly called upon to build relationships with The Other. The Other can span cultures, languages and continents. Being open to others helps you understand your own privileges and prejudices. You know the baggage you bring into the room. You build empathy and a deep understanding of human relationships.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n You can build trust where others see aggression and enmity. You will grow your circle of influence. The ability to engage with The Other is a powerful leadership asset. Use it well, use it wisely and others will be amazed at your skilful management of fractious human situations.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As a leader in an organisation, you regularly meet and engage with a variety of stakeholders. They could be suppliers, consultants, customers, lobby groups, trade union representatives, government officials, social media pressure groups or industry bodies.\u00a0 Some of these relationships are transactional \u2013 you exchange what is needed \u2013 time, money, resources \u2013 and proceed<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":134,"featured_media":143847,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_sitemap_exclude":false,"_sitemap_priority":"","_sitemap_frequency":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[42],"tags":[],"country":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-143846","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-leadership-human-capital-development"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
Consider the diagram alongside. The parties start far apart at the top of the diagram. There is a considered, sequential process to build trust and secure the desired behavioural response from the person sitting opposite you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n
\n \n \n
Listen to the other persons and demonstrate to them that you are listening. Don\u2019t tell them what they should think – listen to what they are telling you!<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n \n \n
Understand their position and their contexts – why are they taking that position on that issue? Ask questions to expand your understanding. Express understanding of their emotions.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n \n \n
Demonstrate to stakeholders that you understand their position and context. Begin to build trust. Clarify the common ground \u2013 the matters on which you agree.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n \n \n
Undertake problem-solving, using the base of trust established. It is only at this stage of the relationship do you begin to put your view forward. This is where the process of negotiation begins, not before.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n \n \n
Get the other side to act in a supportive manner. Acknowledge them for their concessions. Be clear about the behavioural response you require from them.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\nThe process outlined above allows you first to establish a relationship, with some degree of trust and then and only then, do you pursue your desired outcomes.<\/span><\/p>\n
\u00a0What invariably happens, is if a sequenced process is not followed, the participants miss out on the first three steps and go straight to the Influence stage. They try to persuade each other that their own position is the right one. It now becomes a matter of who can shout the loudest.<\/span><\/p>\n\n